Love and Respect

An Overview of Ephesians

By Joe Guagliardo

Ephesians 5:1-20

“Love and Respect.”

August 20, 2023

Here’s something I found very interesting. When I Googled the word submit, many definitions from different sites came up. But, when I Googled images of the word submit, none of them had anything to do with being submissive to another.

All of the icons referred to submitting something. For instance, you might submit a manuscript for a book. You may also submit your homework or application for any number of things.

As Americans, we as a people don’t like to submit to others. We often see it on the news, where someone won’t submit to the authorities. Perhaps you don’t like the rules at your job and don’t want to submit to them. And, if you look back at the 1930s and 40s, we definitely were not going to submit to tyranny.

And then there’s marriage. Our country’s divorce rate is more than 50%. We are a very independent society and do not like to submit to each other.

But someone has to be in charge. You and I are not the President, a member of  Congress, and most of us are not police officers.

In today’s reading, Paul says the same thing about marriage. Someone has to be in charge. Yet look at the first line in today’s reading:

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

Let’s take a look at today’s reading in its entirety.

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the Church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the Church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the Church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.“

Ephesians 5:21-33

During my years in ministry and beyond, I’ve known many women and men who dislike this passage. Many people feel it puts women subservient to men. The passage depicts men as the head of the household. I think we all know that this is not always true.

As I said earlier, the first line of this passage says:

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

In a marriage, we all (both men and women) have responsibilities. Many times, those responsibilities are dictated by life’s circumstances. In my home, I guess one might say I needed to assume being the head of household even more so after my wife was diagnosed with M.S. In the years since Kathy’s diagnosis, my household responsibilities have dramatically increased due to the decline of her physical abilities. But we still discuss expenses, bill paying, and our financial future. In “our” household, we still pray together, and Christ comes first, or at least we strive for that.

“Otherwise, we will find the responsibilities irksome and restrictive.”

(People’s Bible Commentary, Galatians/Ephesians, P.p.188)

It’s essential to understand what is important and the order of importance.

Or as Lee Iacocca, former CEO of Chrysler, said:

God comes first

Family comes second

Work comes third

And everything else comes after that.

(Quote on motivational radio, 1980s)

I’ve said all the above to help you to understand that every household is different by necessity.

This passage needs to be considered whole, not in pieces. Paul is not saying a woman should be a man’s slave. In so many words, Paul is telling women to let the man assume the leadership role in the family. Again, we all know that is not always possible or feasible.

Now look at what Paul goes on to say:

Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 

I cannot read and see this passage other than a man putting his wife on a pedestal. No, a husband isn’t supposed to worship his wife. But, she should be very important to him. If a man is emulating Christ in His love for the Church:

“Christlike leadership leaves absolutely no room for a husband to be a dictator or tyrant. As he looks to Christ’s example of headship over the Church, he will find no basis to be selfish or domineering.”

(People’s Bible Commentary, Galatians/Ephesians, P.p.205)

Every team (even a marriage) needs a leader. At times, once again, because of circumstances that leadership may change. But Paul is saying, out of our reverence for Christ, the man should take the lead role (whenever that is possible).

Of course, this passage is speaking of a traditional family. But we all know that many families are single-parent households, and tradition gets thrown out the window. There are many families in this country and world where there is no father head due to any number of circumstances. The most important thing to remember, no matter what your family looks like, is always make God the most important thing in your home.

Paul speaks about several things a man and a woman should do. But his final statement really seals the deal.

However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Love and respect. A man should love his wife, as he does himself. And the wife must respect her husband. Their relationship may be give and take, but ultimately a marriage is strong because of Christ in the home and a man and woman’s love and respect for each other.